In the past I have looked at my life and wondered how I could ever overcome my past. The amount of abuse I sur- vived, the memories buried deep down inside, and the pain – it was all too much to look at. I often even thought that about myself, ― I am too much!
I have learned not to underestimate the desire to recover and the power it has had and continues to have in my life. I have looked at memories or traits I had and couldn’t see the path ahead. I wondered how I would ever get through it. I have also learnt to trust my higher power and to trust that the way will be there when I am ready. I still need to remind myself of this often. In the past, when something bubbled to the surface that I knew needed to be looked at, I met it with stress. "This is too big! I’ll never be able to feel this or look at this. It will kill me!"
It has taken me many years, but now I know that my
I have learned not to underestimate the desire to recover and the power it has had and continues to have in my life. I have looked at memories or traits I had and couldn’t see the path ahead. I wondered how I would ever get through it. I have also learnt to trust my higher power and to trust that the way will be there when I am ready. I still need to remind myself of this often. In the past, when something bubbled to the surface that I knew needed to be looked at, I met it with stress. "This is too big! I’ll never be able to feel this or look at this. It will kill me!"
It has taken me many years, but now I know that my
higher power would not let it come to the surface if I did not have the ability to deal with it. That would be cruel, and my higher power is not cruel. My journey has proven this to me. I can look back over the past 10 years and see how I was gently guided. At the time, I could not see this, but in hindsight it is very clear.
In the past year, I have been working on resting in that knowledge. Now, when something new comes up for me to look at, I work at being more relaxed. I know that I will make it through to the other side.
I am learning this dance with my higher power - if something comes up from my past and I want to heal. My higher power knows I want to heal more than anything. It is a desire stronger than anything else in my life. When the desire is there, the way comes. It may not come as fast as I want it, or in the way that I want it, but it always comes....
In the past year, I have been working on resting in that knowledge. Now, when something new comes up for me to look at, I work at being more relaxed. I know that I will make it through to the other side.
I am learning this dance with my higher power - if something comes up from my past and I want to heal. My higher power knows I want to heal more than anything. It is a desire stronger than anything else in my life. When the desire is there, the way comes. It may not come as fast as I want it, or in the way that I want it, but it always comes....
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