I came to ACA with the deep, dark secret that I hated my parents. I knew there was something terribly wrong with me. People are supposed to love their parents.
My father, however, was an alcoholic, and my mother raged incessantly. Both were violent. They frightened me, and I hated them for it.
My parents' illness affected my siblings and myself profoundly. I believed if I had been a better daughter and a better person, my parents would not have acted the way they acted. Knowing that my behavior as a child had no effect on how my parents chose to live their lives is a wonderful gift.
I thought my parents, my husband, and my children were keeping me in bondage, locked up, and unable to live my life freely. I have learned in this program that I am the only person limiting my freedom because of my fears.
In ACA I've started coming out of denial. I discovered others who had parents like mine. By exposing many of my familys' secrets in meetings, I have changed the impact of my childhood on my life today. Merely stating aloud, “My father was an alcoholic,” relieved me of the overwhelming stress of keeping the secret hidden. I know now that the things my parents did which hurt me so much were not done to hurt me. My parents' behavior and their choices weren't about me. I've come to understand my parents were not monsters,....just dysfunctional alcoholics.
My father, however, was an alcoholic, and my mother raged incessantly. Both were violent. They frightened me, and I hated them for it.
My parents' illness affected my siblings and myself profoundly. I believed if I had been a better daughter and a better person, my parents would not have acted the way they acted. Knowing that my behavior as a child had no effect on how my parents chose to live their lives is a wonderful gift.
I thought my parents, my husband, and my children were keeping me in bondage, locked up, and unable to live my life freely. I have learned in this program that I am the only person limiting my freedom because of my fears.
In ACA I've started coming out of denial. I discovered others who had parents like mine. By exposing many of my familys' secrets in meetings, I have changed the impact of my childhood on my life today. Merely stating aloud, “My father was an alcoholic,” relieved me of the overwhelming stress of keeping the secret hidden. I know now that the things my parents did which hurt me so much were not done to hurt me. My parents' behavior and their choices weren't about me. I've come to understand my parents were not monsters,....just dysfunctional alcoholics.
I've been able to release many of my fears by using the Twelve Steps as the method and the meetings as a supportive forum. When I expose my fears to the light of day by telling others, the fears don't seem as bad or evil as they were when hidden within that dark place inside of me.
Confronting my fear was not easy, but it has changed my life dramatically. I certainly could never have made this change in myself, by myself. I thank ACA for being here and supporting me through this.
Confronting my fear was not easy, but it has changed my life dramatically. I certainly could never have made this change in myself, by myself. I thank ACA for being here and supporting me through this.
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